wickedcherub@dreamwidth

A couple of people on my flist have started a 'happy things' daily post so I thought I'd give it a go, though I'm sure I'd never keep it up daily.

TODAY:

1. A family friend of mine was in a coma for 3 months after a nasty motorcycle accident and he's come out now and though he's a bit of a vegetable still, he's asked to see me (as best as he could) so I'm going to go visit him today. POSITIVE SIGNS!

2. I got a promotion! Okay not really. I am moving out of the call centre into the finance department at work, looking after accounts receivable! So it's the same pay grade, therefore not a promotion, but it means, off the phones, it also means a new contract, which means my 3 year call centre contract gets effectively paused while I work in finance for 12 months, then I'm allowed back on the phones. This is also great because I move from the 39th floor down to the 10th, which sounds like a downgrade, but there's a girl moving to 39 that i JUST CANNOT STAND, I even preemptively asked to move desks before her arrival so I wouldn't have to deal with her, and now I will only have to deal with her for two weeks! HURRAH!

Hi everyone how are you, I was thinking about this year's resolutions and where I was going to post them and thought I'd check out LJ. I didn't even realise that I had 2014 resolutions Lol. I'm positing this from my phone so we'll see how we go.

This year has been a great one for me, the best one I've had in maybe fifteen years. I think it mostly had to do with the fact that for the first time in my life I was not keeping up a lie with anyone. I wasn't lying to anyone about university anymore and it's like I can see again.

Adam has been a spectacular stay at home father and has a 4.0 GPA for his first year of uni. He is stressed, but it's a productive stress, not that overwhelming stress you get where you don't know what you're doing with your life.

Work has been super great with me, I've got a contract until Adam finished uni and am likely to get a promotion before that time anyway.

The kids no longer sleep in my bed, and that, unsurprisingly, has made my marriage a lot better too. I also have a new found appreciation for Adam and our relationship and the fact that we actually communicate because of all the relationships I've been in contact with since I've started work and seeing what hot messes they all are! So much drama!

My brother graduated university so my parents don't want to kill themselves anymore. I cried a lot at the graduation. Then it looked like he was just going to be a lazy ass bum at my parents house forever but he just received a paid internship at L'Oréal (which is a much much bigger organisation than I thought, they own like every single other cosmetics company it seems!) doing IT, so it is all coming up fucking mill house and I cried even more at work when he smsed me to tell me the news.

So let's look at my resolutions from last year.

GET A JOB
- fix up my resume by Friday January 6th, draft up a basic cover letter that is easy to edit
- start mass bombing admin jobs etc. It'll be easier to get a job I want once I'm actually working.

Yeah I got a full time job by March for the federal government. It pays awesomely for a job with basically zero responsibilities and zero stress as Adam is under so much stress at home it's lovely to just go home and support him without bringing my own burdens. There is scope for promotion as well, and I think they may open up permanent positions this year but we'll see how this government pans out.

SAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR
- pay off the credit card debt of $1500
- family holiday to Vietnam, approximately $6000
- new nice bed frames for the boys
I paid off the credit card and had quite a bit of savings, but that went all the hell at the end of the year when we had to pay for various large things that came up as well as Christmas. So it's likely to come up again this year. Mum has offered to buy beds for the boys. :)


HEALTH
- become fitter, look hot for wedding in March. I would like to be able to run without getting short of breath immediately, as well as push a trolley with both my boys in it and all the groceries without worrying I'm going to crash into a car in the carpark. I would also like to be able to fit into my clothes everywhere.
- I downloaded the Fitocracy app, which gives you points for doing physical activity and lets you attain levels and achievements
- I will start running, today.
- I will drink some water every time I get hungry because a) I don't drink enough water and b) I think I'm actually thirsty when I feel hungry. (obviously if I'm still hungry after that I will eat. I don't need to lose weight)
This was a major fail because I gave up breastfeeding in March then went back to work in a position where I just sit on my butt all day and eat food. I have gained a lot of weight and am so unfit because the commute takes maybe 3hrs of my day every day I don't have time to exercise. I do drink a fuckton of water though. Maybe about 2.5 litres a day. That's about 10 glasses. This will go back on the resolution list.

HOUSE
- I will do SOME dishes every day. This has been a big problem for me this year.
- I will PUT AWAY some laundry every day. I've been on top of having the laundry clean and dry, just not put away.

Umm, I handed over housekeeping duties over to Adam who doesn't do dishes every day but gets them all done at least every second day. Getting the laundry done is still my problem though and my problem didn't get better but I have think I've got a plan for it this year. SURELY.

ADAM
- I will help enrol Adam into university this year. I will help him research the correct courses this week. Enrollment at Open University closes February 14th.
Adam enrolled into full time Bachelor of Commerce degree by March and has achieved a GPA of 4.0 after his first year. So this has been a success. An extremely stressful awful success but a success nonetheless. There's just 12 subjects to go over the next two years.

OKAY SO FOR 2015

WORK
Get a promotion. I am well regarded at work, I hold a lot of important roles and they're sending me to external focus groups to try and make our organisation a better place. However I get passed over for a lot of promotions that actually pay more money like leadership roles and I think it's down to my job application skills, so I will try my fucking hardest this year to get that right. Like it is ridiculous, people at work always assume I'm in management and it pisses me off that I'm not.

STRETCH GOAL: get a permanent position. There are rumours flying around that there will be a tiny number of permanent spots up for grabs at work this year (everyone here is on a short contract) and I don't think that I have a great chance, but I do have *a* chance so I want it. This job is flexible enough to let me work say, 10-3 every day which would be perfect while the kids are in school but still young.

STUDY
I'm going to apply for a Diploma in Business Administration in the next couple of weeks. I want that qualification to help me get my next job. It's an online course, I should be done in six months.

HEALTH
I currently weigh about 53kg in the morning. I want that to be 50kg by March. I want to be sub 50 by mid year and to keep it that way. My main plan of attack is to stop eating terrible snacks at work, and to cut down on the sheer amount of bread and sugar I consume. I hope that will be enough. I'll do more if I have to, but I don't really want to.
I want to excerise but I have zero plans. I wonder if taking the stairs more often would benefit at all whatsoever.

HOUSE
I have to start helping Adam out more with the housework. The plan is just to force myself into 20 min a day before bed time, tidy up.

LIFE
I want to read more actual books instead of fanfic. I want to listen to new music.
I have started a bullet journal as of this week where I'm keeping lists of things and I've listened to three new albums and read two books this week alone. It's also kept me so organised and productive, you should look into it, if to do apps aren't working for you.

I'm going to try be more tactful, more discreet, and talk less about myself all things I admire in others that I currently lack.

I will initiate contact with my friends at least once a month. I'll put it on my bullet journal if I have to.

ADAM
I am going to find my sex drive somewhere or get Adam to help me find it. I lost the desire to have actual-longer-than-perfunctory-5-min sec with the pregnancies and I can tell it really bothers Adam who is craving it. I have to find some energy somewhere too.

I am going to stop taking Adam for granted and do my best to assist with his workload and stress. So this includes helping out with home, and being more demonstrative in my affection.

MONEY
I want to save enough money to go to Vietnam March 2016. Things that will help are the fact that they've changed the train ticket prices so I'll save like $750 a year on that alone. Adam is doing small jobs here and there, so if he did one once a month and we put that into savings, we'll get there. We can do it!

RANDOM OTHER THINGS
We need to work out what we're doing with our house situation once and for all. We want to move I just don't know how, right now, being single income, so I need to get proactive and go to a bank and ask. I need to be less afraid of change.
Or I need to have an actual talk to my parents about us all buying a house together they'll let us rent and perhaps sell in a few years or whatever. I'm so sick of our shoebox house, but I love paying like barely anything on the mortgage repayments.

BRING ON 2015 YEAR OF GETTING SHIT DONE

I got a job finally! I was getting increasingly desperate as Adam finishes work on the 28th of February, so I applied for call centre work at like, midnight on Sunday and had 4 calls on the Monday, lol. I kept coming second with the Admin jobs I was after too, it was very frustrating.
Anyway, I have a call centre job with the Department of Immigration, connecting non-English speakers with the government's free translation service. I also got a job with a bank (after the most arduous selection process I've ever had to go through, 4 hours of group interview can go fuck off and die) which I thought would be really good for future prospects, but when the lady came to give me a spiel about how great the job was, it put me right off haha. Plus there were sales targets I needed to reach and no thanks.

The job pays almost 8k more than Adam's job did, but we come out $65 a week less than we have now, because of the cost of transporting me to the city every day for work, as well as our government benefits dropping because I'm earning more, the fact that I cross the threshold for pay and have to start paying my student loans back, and the fact we're putting Toby in care for a day too. However, the job has copious opportunities for overtime as the call centre is on 24/7, so I think I might pick up an extra shift every month and that should take care of it. Adam might also work casually once a fortnight, so financially we're all okay!

I know this is quite crude but I am quite boggled that someone is paying me 54k a year to answer phone calls.

The big downside to the job is that it's only a 12 month contract. A lot of government jobs are, for a myriad of reasons, and usually you'd be able to find another internal job while you're there, but our government has put a freeze on recruiting permanent positions, so it's unlikely. I'll still be looking for a job during this year I think. No big deal, I think 12 months is my limit for call centre work anyway. I think having known name on my resume is going to help.

It's a one hour train commute, but it's okay because it means we don't have to buy another car. I will also get a lot of reading done.

In the next few months I'm going to enroll in an online Diploma of Business Administration and see if that can't help me get an admin job.

I'm hoping that, even though I'm working 9-5, that the job is flexible with me swapping shifts with other people, like I can see myself taking someone's 1-9pm Friday shift occasionally so they can go out at night, and that allows me to see the kids in the morning at whatever activity they're doing.

It's been *such* a stressful time for us, Adam said that since we got through it without fighting even once, we must be able to get through anything! I mean, during the week all the news reports were saying unemployment was at a 10 year high and I just wanted to drown myself. He's been wonderful. We can spend this weekend preparing for his uni studies now, picking subjects and then I've got a week to organise the house ready for handover.

I've been demoralised so often in this process, but I've learnt so much about it, I got exponentially better with interviews as the time went by, I have perfected my resume and I've learnt about me. But while I was dejected, Adam told me that I was so amazing that I could even be the CEO of a multinational company if I wanted, I only lacked the desire. That I had the potential, not that I had to live up to it, I could be someone's Admin assistant for life for all he cared, but that I was capable of so much. And it bowled me right over. I mean, I know Adam loves me, but I often saw it as him loving me because we get along, because he finds me attractive, and I'm a nice person. I never thought he actually admired me in any way? And this idea that I *don't* have to have some high flying job just because I can, is really relieving. The difference between Adam and my parents, I feel.

We haven't told my parents of our plans, btw. They're not going to take it well. What's new.

I'm also relieved because this rate of pay is similar to what I would have earned as a first year teaching graduate (it's less, but not heaps less), so I don't feel so guilty for not finishing my teaching degree now. I feel bad for lying to Adam and what not, but I don't have to feel bad for screwing up my career and the futures of my kids etc etc like my parents were saying.

ONWARDS!

- Toby has only woken up ONCE a night these past two nights and not required a feed. So he's not feeding at all during the night. This is amazing.

- We went to the Museum today and the kids had a blast as per usual. It's such a nice museum, really well designed. It was free entry, but the parking cost me $23. Liam and Toby easily spent 2 hours + in the kids section alone. It was packed today, being still school holidays. I gotta say though, some children's behaviour is *appalling*. School aged kids - it's not even the behaviour I'm shocked at, it's the parents either not telling them off after they see the behaviour, or just cursorily saying 'don't do that', and not following through. I had to remove Liam and Toby from a section because this little 4 year old girl would not stop throwing the soft toys *at* my children, even when I asked her to stop, and her mum was just 'don't do that Ava' and kept playing on her phone. Outside, there were some pigeons, and some of the older kids liked chasing them, but one kid wouldn't stop spitting water at them and got it all over the outdoor toys, and another was just throwing toys *at* the pigeons. The good news is that my kids are at that age where they're still perfectly behaved. Maybe I'll change my tune when they're older. They're Adam's kids soon, though, and he's the disciplinarian around here.

- I always come out of the museum with a new love of spiders. I generally hate spiders, but the spiders exhibit always make me appreciate them and the little webs around my house.

- I felt sick after coming home and I went to bed for a half hour and got up to make dinner and Adam had already put dinner on the table. BEST.

- Yesterday I was trying to get Liam out of my hair and told him to go draw something. He never draws or anything, so I was hoping it would be a novelty, and he agreed. I asked him to maybe draw me, and he adamantly yelled 'NO!!!!!' so I told him he could draw whatever he wanted. I later heard an 'OH NO YOUR HAIR IS TOO LONG MUMMYYYYYY' and came out to find that Liam had drawn my entire family. He's never so much as drawn a person in his life, and he's drawn me with long hair, forgetting that it's been cut. I have glasses! We have bodies! And fingers! How amazing is it. He's only ever really scribbled before and there's our entire family, recognisable! (sort of).

- In other Liam is Amazing news, driving to the museum, Liam pointed out the words 'Exit' and 'Melbourne', saying 'that's where we live.' He really just learns words off by heart, that kid.

- Toby is saying words like 'uh oh' and 'hi' now. Also using his fork. Yesterday he figured out how to use it, so he kept spearing food into his mouth in excitement without actually chewing his food. He had 2 raviolis, a piece of sausage and a slice of mushroom in there before I dove in and fished it all out.

- I read In Fashion by Stilinskisparkles today. (Sterek, 10k, mature). It was hot and had heaps of UST and I think maybe UST is my absolute favourite thing to read ever.

- the beach was absolutely gorgeous yesterday morning and Liam was absolutely beside himself with joy. He wanted to play in the water, in the sand, in the waves, under the pier, everywhere. The sand wasn't hot yet, but the water wasn't cold and it was so good. Toby loved it too.

- Adam got accepted into university! Spent ages last night agnonising over his Personal Statement so it didn't sound cheesy then just uploaded it, and today boom! Accepted!

- Hi Australian Government, Thank you for Offering Everyone Deferred Loans for University, My Family Appreciates It Lots.

- I chopped off all my hair! My SIL's brother quit his hairdressing job but was still doing it on the side, so I was able to just go to his house, plop the kids down with some toys and get it cut :) Cheap! No babysitters required! My hair was well past my boobs most of the way down my back, can you believe!! Oh it feels amazing now.

- I watched Frozen! I loved it! I cried buckets! I found I didn't care too much about all the problematic stuff that was discussed before the movie was released. The songs were perfect, the voice acting was perfect, I have a crush on Jonathan Groff's voice, who knew (I did). I'm really loving this trend of having the voice actors do the songs too.

- Liam managed to do a 50 piece puzzle by himself while I was in Toby's room putting him down for a nap. I'm learning my lesson, than sometimes Liam doesn't need to be helped, that I should step back and let him figure things out on his own.

- we visited Adam's grandma today for the first time in about a year :\ (we suck) and she was happy to see us :) We looked at a whole bunch of really old photos and it was really fun.

- It's finally getting hot here, so the kids spent the day in the inflatable pool!

- Last night we went around to my SIL's for fish and chips because the weather was nice and the kids had a ball. Everyone got a bit tipsy and started talking pipe dreams of selling our houses and going together on a big country property which sounds lovely and all but to be honest, I just want to live closer to the city haha

- Adam and I had a big giant talk last night about Life and Everything, which was good because we tend to not want to burden each other with our own problems but Adam was all 'when did we forget that we were a TEAM?'. I laid all my neuroses on the table and he laid all of his, and it was good. I'm still stressed about finding a job, because I've never had people rely on me before, and I hate my resume so much.. like I'm *ashamed* of it or something, but that brings me back to the root of all my problems and that I'm constantly sort of ashamed of myself so I'm just going to beat it into submission, send it out to a million people and deal with the rejection BECAUSE I AM A GROWN UP

- Adam's quite nervous about doing university, because he doesn't like change, but I think once he's in it, he'll be a brand new person. We've decided he's going to work part time, and look after the kids part time (the boys will go into day care part time) and that will give him brain space to do at least first year university, then the following years the boys will be at school/kinder which gives him even more time. His old factory job is willing to take him back, which he loved. He was never happier than that job, it just paid a miniscule amount of money, so that will be so nice for him. Toby has also grown out of his baby stage, so Adam is SO LOOKING FORWARD to bonding with his two little boys, and he won't be a full time Stay at Home Dad so he won't go mad :D. SO HOPEFULLY HE GETS ACCEPTED

- Part of my brain is still worried about how I'm going to explain it all to my mother, which is ridiculous because IT DOESN'T MATTER, LIKE WTF BRAIN, but I have a psych appointment this week so hopefully I'll be able to beat my brain into submission too.

- I caught Toby hammering with a toy hammer saying 'bang bang' today, and he was flying his X-Wing fighter around saying 'zoom zoom' and he's started to join in our dancing, so I'm glad Toby's finally decided he's not a baby anymore. I feel like he dragged it out a bit.

- People seem to be tentatively happy with the new episode of Teen Wolf, so that's pretty exciting

- I have zero laundry - it's all clean and folded and put away!

- had an extremely lazy day today, it was Adam's last holiday day so we just.. did nothing.

- I didn't even cook dinner, we ordered pizza, which I had been craving for ages, *and* I didn't have any soft drink, heck yeah. My pizza was pretty good, it had mainly prawns, creme fraiche and spinach on it.

- I read *two* old 70s Mills and Boon novels today. I really like the older ones because they really play up the romance of the man being tall, dark, manly and rich. (he's always wealthy, it's hilarious). The two I read today really really toed my dubcon line though - I mean, they're always a bit dubconny - women aren't actually supposed to *want* it, or at least not show it, and I'm okay with that in these books (okay it's kinda why I read them), but the men in the two I read today were on the violent side, both women even got throttled a bit :( Like, I hadn't read any before where the woman couldn't move from being pressed against his granite muscular frame for fear of HURTING HERSELF.

- Toby is becoming a person. He's doing a really awesome sidekick these days, complete with giant HAAAAY-YAH! sound, and it's hilarious.

- The boys were playing the garage by themselves today because there's not much in there that they can get in trouble with, but I went out to check on them and found them *both* up the fort, and it's obvious that Toby went up there himself first. He can't even walk, what the hell is this?

- I reread Lord Knows It Would Be The First Time by Uraneia for the fourth time last night. (Stiles/Derek, Explicit, 12k, post breakup kid fic). Every single line in that fic is a punch to the gut for me. I love it so so very much.

- I also enjoyed You Have to Go To Them Sometimes by Kellifer_fic (Teen Wolf, Gen, 4k) it's competent Team Human at college from an outsider POV and I loved it so very much. I might not have clicked on it from the summary, but I'm subscribed to the author.

- I managed to change our house and contents insurance to a cheaper provider, which I had been meaning to do for ages!

eta: oh, Australia won the test cricket against England 5-0 and I can't explain what a big deal that is except that it is one.

- My SIL picked me up this morning at 9am, and treated me to a spa pedicure! Those things cost $65 and therefore I never get them done, but now my feet are all smooth and my nails are a cute mint greeny blue. I always feel awkward when I get a pedicure because I feel like I'm lording it over someone, and I never know how to break it to the girl that I can understand Vietnamese lol.

- Took Adam to an ultrasound today to check out why his hand hurts but they didn't find anything :( Adam is very sad about it now and he's adamant he's going to quit work. I have no idea what he's going to do if he's not doing something using his hands :( He also won't look into claiming Workcover because he works for a small family company. There are four other employees and they're all immediate family. It's Neil and his wife, the owners and his son Nate. Nate is Aam's brother's best friend. When Adam takes a day off sick (three times the entire time he's worked there) Nate goes off on a tantrum and tells my BIL that he's going to fire Adam etc :( He doesn't want to agitate these clearly over the top people any further.

- I feel really under the pressure to get a job now in case Adam decides he can't work any more. I don't want Adam to feel pressured to keep working and hurt himself any further.

- My SIL's brother is a hairdresser, and he just quit his job so he said he has a lot of free time now to come give me a free haircut! I haven't had my hair cut in over a year and I can't wait.

- I'm so happy Elementary is back, I am going to definitely watch it tonight. MORIAAAAAARTY.

- I cleaned the bathroom today and did 3 loads of laundry. I'm going to do my resume tonight and make sure that's all ready to go. I'll have to start looking for full time work too now, just not part time stuff. Hopefully I'll be able to find something.

I've really enjoyed reading everyone's memes, sort of as a catch up with everyone, so I thought I'd do one too.

Your main fandom of the year?
Teen Wolf. Which is hard because I don't enjoy the show all that much. I like all their faces, and I like the potential of all the characters, but the show consistently isn't about the characters at all. (or even a plot, I have no idea what the show is about). Sometimes I don't even bother watching the show, just look at the key moments as looped GIFs on Tumblr, haha.
Anyone, it's a nice world, the characters are pretty and have potential, which is all you need for an amazing fic fandom, so that's where I'm at.

Your favorite film watched this year?
Since we've had Toby, I have watched maybe 2 shows/films uninterrupted this year. My favourite film was Pacific Rim, I think. It had its flaws, but I had chinhands and hearteyes throughout that movie. Such unadulterated glee.

Your favorite book read this year?
I haven't read very many books, but I reread The Captive Prince and its sequel and it is still the best m/m romance I've ever read and I so need the final book in the trilogy like YESTERDAY. Omg MY HEART.

Your favorite album or song to listen to this year?
I haven't listened to much music at all, really. I have a whole heap of albums to start this coming year. I've enjoyed Lorde a lot.

Your favorite TV show of the year?
Elementary! YESSS.


Oh I haven't contributed to any LJ communities at all that weren't parenting related :( I enjoyed the final paperlegends.

Your best new fandom discovery of the year?
I've just discovered tumblr user swingsetindecember's rec lists. She recs according to tropes, kinks, pairings, everything. SO ORGANISED.

Your biggest fandom disappointment of the year?
Teen Wolf's episode 9. I didn't even watch it but I was so excited about Derek's past and it just.. ruined everything.
Caitlin Moran making Sherlock actors read fanfic outloud was also pretty rank.

Your TV boyfriend of the year?
I don't know what this means. Stiles? All the men on Play School haha.

Your TV girlfriend of the year?
Joan Watson.

Your biggest squee moment of the year?
I was pretty happy at 1D concert, as well as the Bloc Party concert, and the Killers one. I never thought I'd see Bloc Party again, I thought they had broken up.

The most missed of your old fandoms?
Potter. Merlin. :_(

The fandom you haven't tried yet, but want to?
Welcome to the Night Vale. Hannibal.

Your biggest fan anticipations for the New Year?
Sherlock!