Tina explains the hiatus (sort of)

[wickedcherub]

... in which Tina tries to work herself out.



In the past month or so, I've been going through a major age crisis. I sort of hinted at the idea that I felt that time was running out in this post here, but it wasn't the full picture. I'm turning 25 in July. 24 was the year I was supposed to get everything figured out.

My dad was 24 when his parents both died. He'd already had done so much - steered a refugee boat to Thailand and started a new life in Australia with nothing. The idea that my dad could just die suddenly now freaks me the fuck out.

My mum was 24 when she had me. When she and dad had decided they were finally able to start a family. I don't want a family right now, I don't think I'm capable, but I don't want to wait until I'm 35.

silverthoughts was 24 when I met her, when she picked up from her family and moved halfway across the world to be independent and make it on her own. She has long been a role model of mine and it is so depressing to be so far behind.

For me, 24 is the last year I can say I'm still young. You are no longer young at 25. Sure, you're not old, but unless you're a hobbit, you're not a kid by anyone's standards.

I'd long given up hope that the Tina at 24 would be anything like what the Tina at 16 thought the Tina at 24 would be. But still, I thought I would be more than this.

And I freaked the fuck out.

So.

I figured I'd at least stop wasting many many hours of my day on the Internet. Get off the net and actually do something.

So I worked hard at uni, went to work, involved myself in charity work and helped around the house. I also got sick (boo) but that wasn't really part of the plan. I hung out with my brother a lot and discussed his life, God (or lack thereof) and whether the Jedi would beat the X-men (they wouldn't.) I tried to get closer to my mum.

I went out. A lot. I tried to reconnect with all my offline friends, meet new people, give new places and new faces a go.

Mostly all I worked out was that the people I'm most comfortable with are the people that I also know online. Which is a reason why I'm back. That the millions of parties and dates I went on, the few times I felt at ease and comfortable was when I was surrounded by my friends who also talked to me via email, on MSN and on LiveJournal and MySpace. They were the ones who knew all sides of me.

I tried to do all of this without blathering about it every night on LiveJournal. Tried to work it all out for myself. I still don't know how successful I was - especially since I'm sitting here now, blathering about it.

Then I had to work out something that was really bothering me - my boy situation. 16 year old Tina had pegged Future!Tina to be married to a boy named Khiem by the age of 28.

24 year old Tina spent well over a month working on this boy situation. Which deserves another post.

Comments

[novembersnow.livejournal.com]

*hugs* For what it's worth, I sympathize. I'm turning 30 in November, and I'm having the same kind of freak-out over that impending age milestone as you apparently are about 25. I decided that 2007 would be a Year of Change for me. So far, my progress hasn't been as great as I might have wished, but I have made progress, which is an important step in the right direction. So even though it can be stressful to have some sort of self-imposed deadline like this, I think it's almost worth it if it spurs you to action to make your life better. ♥