I don't know where I'm going with this...
Apr. 12th, 2013 02:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wickedcherubI have never been bullied.
A bunch of girls in 4th grade decided not to be friends with me anymore one day, so I went and hung out with the 'uncool' group, and well, we're all still friends. I don't even think I was sad about it, they weren't even my sort of people, I was just friends with them because they were 'cool'.
I remember three different moments in my life where my physical appearance was commented upon by a peer and found wanting.
1. 6th grade, a friend of mine patted my stomach and said 'ooh, getting a belly'. I didn't realise that I had a bit of a belly (which I did), but since I always had it, it didn't really faze me.
2. 10th grade, a girl sitting behind me at Vietnamese school stared at my legs for absolutely ages, and looked up and asked me if I shaved. When I answered to the contrary, she said, "oh, no wonder." I was always aware of my hairy legs, but I didn't think it was necessary to add to my hygiene routine yet. I thought about it, but didn't do anything about it until 12th grade.
3. 12th grade, a girl in my class wondered why my mouth was always open (my mouth doesn't close properly when resting, I don't know, my teeth or something, it's weird) and commented that I had hair on my upper lip. Again, I was always aware of it, was just too lazy to actually deal with it. I think I started to get rid of it when I started shaving my legs.
Now, my life was probably made easier by the fact that I went to some airy fairy girls school where no makeup was allowed and everyone's hair had to be tied up using a blue ribbon and I remember crowding a 12th grade girl at the back of the school bus when I was in 10th grade because she had her eyebrows done for the first time for the senior formal (and man was she self conscious about it!)
I self identified as a nerd/geek, but I have all but four of my entire senior year at school friended on Facebook. FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE.
I had my fair share of stalkery teenage boys asking me out. I had a boyfriend. I never had an issue with sex/sexual exploration, I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want. I never felt ashamed of what I got up to or felt like I needed to get up to more, and freely discussed things with my friends.
I've never been peer pressured.
I don't really suffer from any real anxiety or depression. I don't have low self esteem.
I went to a 21st party one year and everyone at that party was *beautiful*. They were thin, they were sexy, and I was downright fat and frumpy by comparison. I was even wearing my mother's clothes and this was at a club. I came home in the early hours so upset and drained from it all that I called![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
silverthoughts in Hong Kong that night (and I never call her), and she didn't answer because she found out that her mum had cancer that night. Yeah, you know, I never had an issue with self esteem after that. Like, my body just went 'Huh. REALLY TRIVIAL ISSUE THERE, TINA' and never cared about it ever again.
I got involved with the manipulative, verbally abusiveflip_doubt when I was 22, but I still think that was necessary in a way, to my life; I learnt so much from it.
I think where I'm going with this is is sometimes I really don't understand all the problems, sadness, mental illnesses that I see on my LJ and especially my Tumblr. I feel like I can't offer any advice to the younger set because, well, what do I know?
I worry that my rainbows and unicorns experience in high school means that I will be a bad teacher when I start working - because I will have no idea what it's like for the average high school student.
A bunch of girls in 4th grade decided not to be friends with me anymore one day, so I went and hung out with the 'uncool' group, and well, we're all still friends. I don't even think I was sad about it, they weren't even my sort of people, I was just friends with them because they were 'cool'.
I remember three different moments in my life where my physical appearance was commented upon by a peer and found wanting.
1. 6th grade, a friend of mine patted my stomach and said 'ooh, getting a belly'. I didn't realise that I had a bit of a belly (which I did), but since I always had it, it didn't really faze me.
2. 10th grade, a girl sitting behind me at Vietnamese school stared at my legs for absolutely ages, and looked up and asked me if I shaved. When I answered to the contrary, she said, "oh, no wonder." I was always aware of my hairy legs, but I didn't think it was necessary to add to my hygiene routine yet. I thought about it, but didn't do anything about it until 12th grade.
3. 12th grade, a girl in my class wondered why my mouth was always open (my mouth doesn't close properly when resting, I don't know, my teeth or something, it's weird) and commented that I had hair on my upper lip. Again, I was always aware of it, was just too lazy to actually deal with it. I think I started to get rid of it when I started shaving my legs.
Now, my life was probably made easier by the fact that I went to some airy fairy girls school where no makeup was allowed and everyone's hair had to be tied up using a blue ribbon and I remember crowding a 12th grade girl at the back of the school bus when I was in 10th grade because she had her eyebrows done for the first time for the senior formal (and man was she self conscious about it!)
I self identified as a nerd/geek, but I have all but four of my entire senior year at school friended on Facebook. FRIENDS WITH EVERYONE.
I had my fair share of stalkery teenage boys asking me out. I had a boyfriend. I never had an issue with sex/sexual exploration, I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want. I never felt ashamed of what I got up to or felt like I needed to get up to more, and freely discussed things with my friends.
I've never been peer pressured.
I don't really suffer from any real anxiety or depression. I don't have low self esteem.
I went to a 21st party one year and everyone at that party was *beautiful*. They were thin, they were sexy, and I was downright fat and frumpy by comparison. I was even wearing my mother's clothes and this was at a club. I came home in the early hours so upset and drained from it all that I called
silverthoughts in Hong Kong that night (and I never call her), and she didn't answer because she found out that her mum had cancer that night. Yeah, you know, I never had an issue with self esteem after that. Like, my body just went 'Huh. REALLY TRIVIAL ISSUE THERE, TINA' and never cared about it ever again. I got involved with the manipulative, verbally abusive
flip_doubt when I was 22, but I still think that was necessary in a way, to my life; I learnt so much from it. I think where I'm going with this is is sometimes I really don't understand all the problems, sadness, mental illnesses that I see on my LJ and especially my Tumblr. I feel like I can't offer any advice to the younger set because, well, what do I know?
I worry that my rainbows and unicorns experience in high school means that I will be a bad teacher when I start working - because I will have no idea what it's like for the average high school student.
