(no subject)

[wickedcherub]

Took Tobias to his 4 month checkup at the nurse today. Asked the nurse if he was growing okay etc (he's 8kg. We've hit the weight limit where we can turn his car seat forward facing now, problem being he can't even sit up yet because he's 4 months old) and she was all 'I'm not worried about him, I'm worried about you!'

She spent most of our visit asking me about my sleep and my eating, my uni and whether my husband is supportive and brings me flowers (apparently, if they bring you flowers, they must be doing other nice things too, who knows, I don't think it was a serious question). She was a fill-in nurse, not my regular nurse, and verging on elderly. She was very maternal, and rambly.

I didn't realise I looked so obviously worn out.

I mean, my SIL, bless her, has sent me a list of 'THINGS MY SIL CAN DO TO HELP MY MENTAL HEALTH AND KEEP MY MOTHER OFF MY BACK', which includes my SIL cooking meals when I need it, or hiring a cleaner, or sending me off to get a massage after my mother visits.

And I'm grateful, but I don't like it. :(

I don't like this idea that I'm failing so bad that other people are noticing. I recently dropped $70 on some liquid foundation and bought some new clothes and shoes in an effort to look like I'm gorgeous and on top of things. It's obviously not working.

I CAN DO THIS. OTHER PEOPLE DO THIS ALL THE TIME, THERE IS A LADY AT PLAYGROUP WHO HAS SEVEN CHILDREN. I ONLY HAVE TWO. THAT'S LIKE, THE AVERAGE NUMBER OF CHILDREN. HOW HARD CAN IT BE, REALLY.

Comments

[mrsmdub.livejournal.com]

It's ridiculously hard when the second one is a baby. It's like parenting two different types of critters. Life got better after Remi could walk. Or at least move.

[mrsmdub.livejournal.com]

Also...big boy!! :)

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

Yes! He's so cuddly :D

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

It didn't get much worse having to run after Remi as well?

[geekslave.livejournal.com]

I'm not a mother, but I don't think that you can compare yourself to anyone else. Maybe this mother of seven is secretly a basket case. I think everyone parents differently and reacts to the stresses differently.

Stacey

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

yeah, you're right, but it's so hard not to compare, you know?

[geekslave.livejournal.com]

I definitely get it. I'm not all that great at taking my own advice. I do find myself comparing myself to other people a lot, especially when it comes to writing, and thinking everyone's better than me.

Stacey

[squeezles.livejournal.com]

So this. Everyone presents their 'good' self in public. You know, they make sure their kid isn't wearing the shirt with spaghetti sauce on it when they go out and they brush their hair and they are all polite and nice and smiley. Behind clothes doors I bet everyone loses their shit in some way or another. 2 kids under 2 is hard I'm guessing!!

Also wtf about bringing flowers as a barometer of a good husband. Hehe.

[fuzzytomato02.livejournal.com]

Dude, I don't you very well but I'm going to level with you. Being a mother is fucking tough. Add uni on top of that. Add family stress on that. and it's nearly impossible. I have two kids myself. I am in school as well. I live about 600 miles from my nearest relative. The only support I have is my husband who is not the most supportive. And my house is a wreck. A fucking wreck. Like... kind of gross. And I know I look like absolute crap. But you know what? Worth it. I wouldn't change a thing. And hey, it's okay to accept help. And man, you just can't compare your life to other people's. You are only seeing the surface of that mother with 7 kids. She could be absolutely frazzled at home. And if someone says something to you, fuck them. The thing is, when you say "other people do it all the time" you're not giving yourself enough credit and are giving other people waaaay too much. You are doing it. You're doing it the way you can and hey, if that means hitting up that awesome sounding SIL then go for it. If other people do it differently, it doesn't mean they are more or less successful at doing than it you are. For me, it means I clean the house once a week and before and after my weekly cleaning, it means my house is lived in and may not smell the best. As long as my kids are fed and happy and have their needs met, I call it a win. It sounds like your kids are safe, well cared for, happy and healthy. Enjoy that, focus on that and be proud of that. and fuck the people that tell you otherwise.

[mrsmdub.livejournal.com]

Like!

[science-of-life.livejournal.com]

Word!

[ms-hecubus.livejournal.com]

He's only 4 months old! You haven't even had time to get used to having a second one yet, let alone be on top of your game. Hell, Kira is two and I'm just starting to get caught up.

[skittish-derby.livejournal.com]

That period between birth and 6 months is full of so much joy, but so much work and stress and exhaustion that there is no way i would ever want to do it again. I wouldn't want to take that one plus school or work. no freaking way. you are doing great. stop comparing your life to others, it doesn't help. they put their best forward to you.. you have no idea what is going on in the background.

Looking tired and run down does not mean that you are failing.

[prplhez8.livejournal.com]

Alright, Imma add my two cents in here because I so wish you'd cut yourself a break. <3 Being a mother is hard. It is grueling, soul breaking work. But there are moments of clarity when everyone is asleep and just before you drop off out of sheer exhaustion, you know you're doing a really awesome thing, this being a mum thing.

Comparing one mother's abilities to another is like comparing apples to kumquats. Everyone does it differently. While we do have a sisterhood of sorts in being a mother, it's all different. And your youngest is only four months old....no one except Heidi Klum (whom has nannies and personal trainers and chefs) should look amazing after giving birth four months before. And the women that do? Stepford wives, I swear.

Liam and Toby don't care what you look like and when you are a year out and not looking exhaustion glasses, life may look really really different. Until then, breathe and just carry on. Don't stress.

*HUGS*

[sdwolfpup.livejournal.com]

What they said! Also, I only have one (for the moment, gulp) and I still look freaking exhausted and compare myself to other moms all the time. My friend has one kid and manages to scrapbook and have well-behaved pets and a clean house and I just can't figure out how she has achieved the "perfect mom" status when I am so far behind. But then I remember to focus on my son and see that he's healthy, he's happy, he's growing and learning, and THAT is what matters, not all the other bullshit. Plus, we don't have to be perfect. We just have to be good enough! Good enough we can TOTALLY do.