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Mar. 18th, 2013 08:57 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
wickedcherubParents showed up unannounced on the weekend (to be fair, they called a lot, but my phone had run out of battery) and Adam and I had spent a zombiefied weekend on a mattress in the loungeroom. The house was a real mess, dishes hadn't been done for two (maybe three) days, but that's enough to overflow onto every surface in my kitchen. We were about to have a Mummy Is A Zombie meal of soup and spinach/cheese pastries.
Needless to say, my house is spotless now (thanks Mum and Dad for their cleaning frenzy) and my Mum would have disowned me if she didn't feel so sorry for my kids. Apparently there is no such thing as 'too sick and tired' to leave my house in such a state.
She also said things like 'if you weren't ready to look after a husband and kids you shouldn't have gotten married. Keep your disgustingness to yourself'. Which actually quite upset me because I really have been struggling with that aspect of my life, and I told myself I wouldn't listen to my mother anymore but it's SO HARD. She was also being quite unreasonable about things like 'People go to work all day, Tina, and have three kids and still have clean houses and proper meals! YOU STAY AT HOME ALL DAY!' Err, no one seems to understand that the house *is* a mess because we're home all day messing it up? That there are so many dishes because we eat like, 5 meals a day AT HOME?
She also didn't believe me that the house was clean on Friday (which it was, we had guests). She had come back from the wedding of a boy I had gone on a few dates with, and she was telling me that he probably broke up with me because he found out how gross I was. (untrue)
One revelation I had though, as I was watching my mother whip herself up into a frenzy, was that she gets into a panicked state just like I do. I never connected my stress-panic attacks with her before. She was screaming and crying by the end of it, and wondering why my paid bills were still on the desk and not put away (UNREASONABLE ALERT) and was in such a frenzy she almost put all my papers in the bin. I really think this will help my frenzies in the future, remembering what my mother looked like.
*sigh*
It had started so well, as well. Mum went into shock when she saw the house, but then recovered and was just 'look Tina, if you're sick, just call me, and I will come and help and make you food.' Which I know she would, and I know that's what regular mums do, but she wouldn't have done it without blaming me for being sick in the first place. She blamed the state of my house for the reason why Liam got Hand Foot and Mouth (that's not how diseases work mum). She kept giving me advice on a clean house 'you just have to wake up half an hour before the kids get up Tina, and you'd have a clean house' OMG HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU LIAM WAKES UP BEFORE SEVEN AND TOBY GOES TO BED AT MIDNIGHT AND HE WAKES UP EVERY HOUR IN BETWEEN. I AM NOT JUST SLEEPING IN UNTIL TEN. I AM EXHAUSTED. AND THIS IS WHY I CAN'T ASK YOU FOR HELP.
Ugh. So I am stressed and upset, and she spent the rest of time not ragging on me, ragging on Adam (in Vietnamese) and how I could have chosen such a hopeless husband that won't help me clean the house. They had come to make me dinner, but in the end they just left without eating.
I was trying to think on the whole thing positively last night, "Hey Adam, at least our house is clean. I was going to spend all Monday cleaning it."
Adam: "I'd rather live in a pigsty than go through what we just went through with your parents."
*super sigh*
Needless to say, my house is spotless now (thanks Mum and Dad for their cleaning frenzy) and my Mum would have disowned me if she didn't feel so sorry for my kids. Apparently there is no such thing as 'too sick and tired' to leave my house in such a state.
She also said things like 'if you weren't ready to look after a husband and kids you shouldn't have gotten married. Keep your disgustingness to yourself'. Which actually quite upset me because I really have been struggling with that aspect of my life, and I told myself I wouldn't listen to my mother anymore but it's SO HARD. She was also being quite unreasonable about things like 'People go to work all day, Tina, and have three kids and still have clean houses and proper meals! YOU STAY AT HOME ALL DAY!' Err, no one seems to understand that the house *is* a mess because we're home all day messing it up? That there are so many dishes because we eat like, 5 meals a day AT HOME?
She also didn't believe me that the house was clean on Friday (which it was, we had guests). She had come back from the wedding of a boy I had gone on a few dates with, and she was telling me that he probably broke up with me because he found out how gross I was. (untrue)
One revelation I had though, as I was watching my mother whip herself up into a frenzy, was that she gets into a panicked state just like I do. I never connected my stress-panic attacks with her before. She was screaming and crying by the end of it, and wondering why my paid bills were still on the desk and not put away (UNREASONABLE ALERT) and was in such a frenzy she almost put all my papers in the bin. I really think this will help my frenzies in the future, remembering what my mother looked like.
*sigh*
It had started so well, as well. Mum went into shock when she saw the house, but then recovered and was just 'look Tina, if you're sick, just call me, and I will come and help and make you food.' Which I know she would, and I know that's what regular mums do, but she wouldn't have done it without blaming me for being sick in the first place. She blamed the state of my house for the reason why Liam got Hand Foot and Mouth (that's not how diseases work mum). She kept giving me advice on a clean house 'you just have to wake up half an hour before the kids get up Tina, and you'd have a clean house' OMG HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU LIAM WAKES UP BEFORE SEVEN AND TOBY GOES TO BED AT MIDNIGHT AND HE WAKES UP EVERY HOUR IN BETWEEN. I AM NOT JUST SLEEPING IN UNTIL TEN. I AM EXHAUSTED. AND THIS IS WHY I CAN'T ASK YOU FOR HELP.
Ugh. So I am stressed and upset, and she spent the rest of time not ragging on me, ragging on Adam (in Vietnamese) and how I could have chosen such a hopeless husband that won't help me clean the house. They had come to make me dinner, but in the end they just left without eating.
I was trying to think on the whole thing positively last night, "Hey Adam, at least our house is clean. I was going to spend all Monday cleaning it."
Adam: "I'd rather live in a pigsty than go through what we just went through with your parents."
*super sigh*
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Date: 2013-03-17 10:28 pm (UTC)Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-17 10:37 pm (UTC)I've been on LJ since 2001, and I think that posts about my mother still haven't changed :(
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Date: 2013-03-18 04:08 am (UTC):( *hugs*
Stacey
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Date: 2013-03-18 12:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-18 12:10 am (UTC)Mum was sobbing on the way out the door about how worried she was about me and my life and my choices.
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Date: 2013-03-18 02:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-18 02:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-18 12:35 am (UTC)Children often rebel against their upbringing in some sense. So, if I make them grow up in a disgusting mess, they will grow up to be clean and well organized individuals. Therefore, I must carry on...because I love my children.
Seriously though, I don't dislike cleaning for the most part, I just can't do it. Like when I was a teenager on a cabin trip with other kids who saw me cleaning when it was my turn and started laughing at my methods. I think my cleaning development stopped somewhere around hosing off my feet before coming inside.
So at least you're not stuck there.
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Date: 2013-03-18 02:24 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-18 04:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-18 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2013-03-19 12:28 am (UTC)ETA: Also, you should know that I don't have any kids and I work all day and my apartment still gets horribly messy, dishes take over all the counters and I can't remember the last time I vacuumed. So next time your mom gets on your case, just say look, mom, it could be worse.