16 year old boys, a mystery.

[wickedcherub]

Do you think this is odd behaviour for a 16 year old boy?

My two year old has a vocabulary of only about 50 words, but he decided yesterday that 'Michael', the name of my 16 year old cousin, was going to be one of his words. He exclaimed it excitedly (and repeatedly, completely with hands in the air) everytime he saw him and asked 'Michael?' when he wasn't in the room but it got ZERO response from my cousin.

Like, not even a wave, or a smile, let alone coming up to my son and talking to him.

It's not like he doesn't like my son - my son is extremely well behaved and quiet, even, which would make the gleeful 'Michael!' all the more flattering.

I ask because at the moment, my entire extended family here in Australia is looking after my cousin (he's from Vietnam) and we're all trying to work out which parts of his behaviour is typical 16 year old boy, typical 16 year old boy who has been uprooted from his homeland and sent to live somewhere else, typical 16 year old boy pack-a-day-smoker who has been cut cold turkey from cigarettes and something which might need him visiting some sort of professional.

I've always defended his behaviour as 'normal' but that was the first time he's done something that makes me think he's a bit odd. My mum is on the verge of making him an appointment with a psych.

I mean, he lies and steals and doesn't seem to have many friends, but he's always polite and smiley, but he's a anti social - like he won't join in games even if we ask him to and is always wandering off on his own. Like, my parents drove him down to visit me and my family for the first time, and 10 minutes here and he's gone off on a walk.

Feel free to tell me/ask me anything you like. I don't know anything about teenage boys really, nor mental health, but my cousin doesn't seem like an emo teen to me and I want to see if I can help.

Comments

[teacentral.livejournal.com]

Honestly, it seems like he might be depressed/disturbed, and I think that it is to be expected with the uprooting from his country and his family (why was he moved? is it permanent or long term? did he know for a while that this was going to happen? did he have a choice? - you don't have to answer, but these are things to ponder when trying to make sense of his behaviour) AND being cut off from his addiction which was probably a great source of comfort. He also may or may not be a solitary type. It is also typical for teens to be self-absorbed and not have much interest in hanging out with adults and/or small children. Honestly, when I moved from Poland to Canada at the age of 14, it was quite traumatic. My parents spent a lot of time with their friends, and insisted on me coming along, and the get togethers would usually consist of adults and children a few years younger than me, and I didn't have much in common with either group, so I usually just chose to do my own thing (usually go for a walk or read a book). Of course, I am an introvert, plus my mother discouraged me from socializing with adults and younger kids (long story), but it doesn't seem bizzare to me given the circumstances. Of course, this does not mean he doesn't need help. He probably does, specifically because of his circumstances. I hope he receives the support he needs. Seeing a psychologist is probably a good start, as long as it presented to him in a loving and supportive manner, so it's clear that the purpose is to support him and help him be happy rather than change him into who others want him to be.

[tacomonkey.livejournal.com]

Not sure how relevant it is. but: I went from smoking 1-2 packs a week to 2-5 cigarettes a day, so I was never an especially heavy smoker to begin with, and then I went cold from a few a day to nothing at all when I moved into a house with kids. It was, hands down, one of the hardest things I have ever done - harder than weaning off heavy psych meds, harder than breaking any other addiction. I was grumpy/out of sorts/angry/craving for WEEKS. I can't imagine how much worse it would be from a pack a day. It does get better though eventually, although I am sure the occasional pangs will be with me forever.

I'm also a massive introvert and MAD shy around new people and have often been known to disappear off by myself from social functions, especially around family. So I think that his behavior could well be within the realms of 'normal'. However, I can only imagine that being uprooted from your homeland and having to deal with a whole new group of people and culture and everything is really overwhelming so perhaps he would benefit from seeing someone, maybe a talk therapist? As long as he knows it's not judge-y and 'there's something wrong with you!'.

[skittish-derby.livejournal.com]

It all sounds normal, but the psych stuff might not be a bad idea. It could be a place where he can talk about some of the stuff going on.

[txvoodoo.livejournal.com]

the quitting smoking alone could make someone rage-y or withdrawn.

[bluedano.livejournal.com]

He sounds like he might be quite depressed (and not all that surprisingly with the uprooting and changes in his life). It probably wouldn't hurt for him to have a professional to talk to.

Some of the toddler ignoring could actually be pretty normal for a 16 year old boy though. My youngest cousin is 16 and is the baby of his family. When we were camping at the family reunion this summer, he mostly avoided my kids, and awkwardly held Miles when my mom deposited him on my cousin's lap. It may have been the first time he's held a baby/toddler. He's a bit introverted anyway, and being around little kids made him completely awkward.

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

Just from what you've said here, it doesn't really sound to me like there is anything "wrong" with him, but it sounds like a lot is going on in his life right now, so therapy might not be a bad idea.

[frozen-doll.livejournal.com]

I agree mostly with what th eother posters have mentioned.
He might be depressed, but the anti social behaviour has alarm bells ringing in my head, along with the stealing and lying and I would certainly recommend a psychologist or a psychiatrist to have a chat with him on a regular basis until his behaviour improves!