what my life needs now, is love, sweet love

[wickedcherub]

Hi everyone - I've been Internetless for two weeks but am back now, with faster Internet and a better download limit. I clocked download speeds of 800kbps the other day. O__o

I've missed you all!

Lots of things happened, some interesting, most not, and generally I've just been lonely without the Internet and had a lot of time to wallow in thoughts and come to all sorts of epiphanies.

One such epiphany is the realisation that all my favourite characters / shows / books centre around people that are obsessed and passionate people who have a love for something deep and true.

Whether it's tennis, Go, becoming the last surviving Quincy, saving a cheerleader, solving medical mysteries, getting a brother off death row, The Truth, American Football.

And that's the way I like to live my life too - and maybe my passions only survive short bursts, but they're intense while they last and they're numerous. And after reading a number of books in my copious spare time, I just realised that what I want right now is to fall in love.

I want to find someone I can fall in love with.

I don't need it to be my lifelong soulmate. I don't need them to be a practical partner I can work with and marry. Just someone I can *love* for however short a period. I want that before I'm forced to face my looming mid-twenties adulthood. Before I get old.

I want someone who will obsess over me.

I want the heartbreak when it ends.

In the meantime, I'm happy to keep seeing and dating boys that I don't love. I have a good time and enjoy myself and enjoy their company and I learn so much about myself in the meantime - and boys fascinate me and make me smile (when I'm not pulling my hair over how stupid they are) but I just want to meet a boy worthy of the intense enthusiasm that I'm capable of. Someone inspiring.

Someone I can tell my grandchildren about - the boy I fell in love with before I met their grandfather.

Is that ridiculously romantic and unrealistic?

I *love* many people. Some of them are even my ex boyfriends. (actually, I love all my ex boyfriends now that I think of it) but I want to be *in* love.

[Poll #958539]

Comments

[thekatiefactor.livejournal.com]

I'm holding out for the High Fidelity theory that it's easier to have relationships when you're at university. ::sigh::

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

I'm at university :( :( I feel like my youth is slipping!

I've just picked up a Haruki Murakami book 'Norwegian Wood' which is just someone recalling their first love at uni and it's killing me :(

[freesnowcone.livejournal.com]

The only thing I fell in love with at uni was Make Your Own Omelette Day in the dining commons.

But I fell in love twice after I graduated, both highly emotional and tragic and full of pining and emotion and complete and utter heartbreak when they ended. So fear not!

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

You only have four years on me.

Okay, I have four years in which to fall in love.

I'd like to get married sometime in the next 5 years though :(

30 is my scary age.

[freesnowcone.livejournal.com]

30 for you and me both! I've got nine months to get married! Okay, well, maybe just engaged.

Trust me when I tell you that you will have NO problem finding someone to fall in love with and vice versa because you are FABULOUS.

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

I think if I'm 30 and not in a steady relationship, then I shall be scared.

So it's 30-to-get-stable.

If I'm not 35 and married I'm totally screwed.

Awww thanks :)

[thekatiefactor.livejournal.com]

But you still live at home, right? I think that's a big part of it, breaking away from what you've always known and not having to be associated with your parents. I don't know, really. I'll be moving to the other side of the country for college, and I hope there are some good things in store for me there.

That book sounds interesting just from the title. (Says the girl who started getting really into Douglas Coupland's work by spotting Eleanor Rigby on a shelf.) I saw Starter For Ten a couple of weeks ago, which is about a similar thing, and that's been helping along my boys-here-are-lame-I-can't-wait-for-college mindset. Dammit, I want to meet an adorably awkward smart boy who likes good music and looks like James McAvoy.

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

Yeah I still live at home, which actually limits how much I can actually go out and meet said boys.

Hmm.

I didn't even know Norwegian Wood was a Beatles' song until I started reading :\

The boy I'm sort of seeing at the moment is adorable and smart and likes good music and is sometimes awkward and when I squint looks a fair bit like James McAvoy. :p

[kyuuketsukirui.livejournal.com]

I voted yes, but it's a yes with a caveat that it's not the sort of "in love" you describe. I'm just not that emotional.

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

I think with you it might be just 'love', as opposed to be 'in love'. But I don't know how to make that distinction, really. To be honest, I don't even know how to vote in that poll.

[thawrecka]

I want to say I've been in love but I hear tell it doesn't count if it's unrequited so I shan't answer the poll.

Welcome back to InternetLand!

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

I think it counts if it's unrequited.

It's still love.

:)

[sarahofcroydon.livejournal.com]

I've never experienced that kind of all-consuming love, ever. And I'm such a terrible romantic too! ;____;

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

I've had that all-consuming love before, in high school, but I found out I was more in love with the idea of him, rather than him.

So I would obsess and obsess until I actually saw him. And he was rather obsessed with me too, and it was really intense :\

When I saw him, it was just... nice.

[sarahofcroydon.livejournal.com]

I've never even had nice! I'M SUCH A HOPELESS VIRGIN OH HELP ME PLEASE

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

Oh when I mean nice, I don't mean in a sexual way... I just mean that it was pleasant to be with him. He would give me flowers and slip handwritten letters into my blazer pocket when I wasn't looking.

It was just sweet. It still is, come to think of it, whenever I see him. He's always just so sweet.

I bet you're insanely picky though. Nothing short of perfection for you! Or Taki, whichever :p

[sarahofcroydon.livejournal.com]

That's what I mean, though... the closest I ever had to getting a boyfriend was when a classmate confessed her strange, secret love for me, complete with bad poetry. And she was a girl. ;_;
Stupid girls school!

And I'm really not picky... just a strange combination between club-hating and shy, and outgoing and slightly mad. I think it's a case of not enough opportunity. 0_o

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

Yeah I don't think I have enough opportunity either. There was a gap of four years where I didn't really go out AT ALL and I think I missed a lot of time there.

I've never really been clubbing either, so maybe you and I should go out sometime.

It's not like you're not really ridiculously good looking.

[sarahofcroydon.livejournal.com]

Maybe we should... especially when the no-smoking law thing rolls in because one of the reasons I tend to not like going out is just how much I reek when I get back! :x My other option is clubs... literally. My mother says sports clubs- they're packed with boys. Not *quite* so sure about that one, but I just might prefer it to the chess club. Maybe. XD

And you just made my day. ^____^

[prillalar]

I'm glad you're back. :)

I want that before I'm forced to face my looming mid-twenties adulthood. Before I get old.

This made me laugh and laugh.

Being in love is a huge pain, IMO. I don't like overwhelming emotion.

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

Hahaha okay it sounds really terrible and dramatic when I say that, but I have a scary age, which is 30, where I do want to be in something stable. A stable job, a stable relationship.

I do not want an amazing tumultuous relationship when I'm 35 and thinking about families, you know?

But to be honest, I do feel terribly terribly old, and that I've achieved nothing thus far.

I think I thrive on overwhelming emotion :\

[http://users.livejournal.com/_laissezfaire/]

i'm in love right now. it's the most ridiculous thing ever.

[wickedcherub.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, really? I thought he just loved you. I must have missed that. How awesome :D :D