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May. 26th, 2011 04:41 pmI haven't spoken to my mother for 2 weeks now, since that incident.
She's called me twice, but I haven't picked up. (I genuinely missed both calls - normally I would call back, but *shrug*). She emailled me, saying, 'Tina, are you sick, why haven't you called me?'
As if nothing was wrong. It's such bullshit, if she knew nothing was wrong, she would have called me multiple times - she knows I'm terrible at picking up the phone. She would have emailled me with 'Hi Tina, how's Minh Khoa (Liam) going?'
I don't know what to do. I don't want to pretend nothing has happened. But I feel like if I tell mum why I'm upset then 29 years of being oppressed is going to come pouring out. I don't have it in me to go through that right now.
I don't know anyone who has a bad relationship with their mums. With their dads sure, but not their mums. I don't know why or how this has happened :(
I've spent all week just thinking of all the bad things that she's said and done to me in my life due to her controlling nature.
- between the ages of about 10-14, I used to dread going on outings with my parents, because my mum would always pick out my outfit, and I would hate it and cry but she would force me to wear it anyway
- I didn't go on school camps because they were 'unsafe'
- I've been told I'm fat, pretty much forever. Except now. Now I'm too skinny and old looking.
- I wasn't let in the house once because mum didn't like my haircut.
- I never invited mum to any of my school activities or showcases because I never wanted her looking at my work because she was never supportive. She used to get upset about it, then criticise my work anyway. My brother never invited her to watch him in sporting finals either, for the same reasons.
- she used to cry and wonder what she did in a past life to deserve a daughter like me.
- she annoyed me during my birth labour (I think she kept trying to cover me up when I wanted to be naked) so I snapped at her, and she told me off and sulked. wtf. SHE EVEN CRITICISED ME WHILE I WAS IN LABOUR. WANTING TO KNOW WHAT WAS TAKING ME SO LONG.
- She's worried now that I won't be able to look after her in her old age because I don't make any money.
- Every time I've broken up with a boy, she's assumed it was my fault and that the guy didn't want me.
- all my friends are better than me. Like that time I chose my bridesmaids and my mum told me that they'd outshine me cos they were prettier.
- oh, there was that time she told Adam I was a bad mum? wtf.
- seriously - probably the only time a married couple who got pregnant as planned had to put off telling their *mum* about a pregnancy because she'd be UPSET.
It's really affecting me. Everytime there's something slightly wrong with Liam - like he has a snotty nose, or a bit of a nappy rash - or he's a bit constipated, or he wakes up more than twice during the night, I think that maybe I'm doing something wrong and it's all my fault and my mum would have so much to say about this!
Fuck this shit.
She's called me twice, but I haven't picked up. (I genuinely missed both calls - normally I would call back, but *shrug*). She emailled me, saying, 'Tina, are you sick, why haven't you called me?'
As if nothing was wrong. It's such bullshit, if she knew nothing was wrong, she would have called me multiple times - she knows I'm terrible at picking up the phone. She would have emailled me with 'Hi Tina, how's Minh Khoa (Liam) going?'
I don't know what to do. I don't want to pretend nothing has happened. But I feel like if I tell mum why I'm upset then 29 years of being oppressed is going to come pouring out. I don't have it in me to go through that right now.
I don't know anyone who has a bad relationship with their mums. With their dads sure, but not their mums. I don't know why or how this has happened :(
I've spent all week just thinking of all the bad things that she's said and done to me in my life due to her controlling nature.
- between the ages of about 10-14, I used to dread going on outings with my parents, because my mum would always pick out my outfit, and I would hate it and cry but she would force me to wear it anyway
- I didn't go on school camps because they were 'unsafe'
- I've been told I'm fat, pretty much forever. Except now. Now I'm too skinny and old looking.
- I wasn't let in the house once because mum didn't like my haircut.
- I never invited mum to any of my school activities or showcases because I never wanted her looking at my work because she was never supportive. She used to get upset about it, then criticise my work anyway. My brother never invited her to watch him in sporting finals either, for the same reasons.
- she used to cry and wonder what she did in a past life to deserve a daughter like me.
- she annoyed me during my birth labour (I think she kept trying to cover me up when I wanted to be naked) so I snapped at her, and she told me off and sulked. wtf. SHE EVEN CRITICISED ME WHILE I WAS IN LABOUR. WANTING TO KNOW WHAT WAS TAKING ME SO LONG.
- She's worried now that I won't be able to look after her in her old age because I don't make any money.
- Every time I've broken up with a boy, she's assumed it was my fault and that the guy didn't want me.
- all my friends are better than me. Like that time I chose my bridesmaids and my mum told me that they'd outshine me cos they were prettier.
- oh, there was that time she told Adam I was a bad mum? wtf.
- seriously - probably the only time a married couple who got pregnant as planned had to put off telling their *mum* about a pregnancy because she'd be UPSET.
It's really affecting me. Everytime there's something slightly wrong with Liam - like he has a snotty nose, or a bit of a nappy rash - or he's a bit constipated, or he wakes up more than twice during the night, I think that maybe I'm doing something wrong and it's all my fault and my mum would have so much to say about this!
Fuck this shit.
