wickedcherub | what's this? a soap box?

My friends list seem to be dealing with the Honesty Meme today. I was very curious last night and almost threw my hat in the ring too, until I remembered my little theory of LJ.

No matter what you do, or how you go about doing it, someone on LJ will not like it.

It is impossible to please everyone, and with an honesty meme? That *one* person who took the honesty meme to mean 'let me find that little tiny petty thing that bugged me about you and tell you that' is going to represent 100s of silent people in your head.

If you tell the world everything, people want you to shut up. If you keep to yourself, people will think you're elitist. If you're talking to friends, that's a clique and if you talk to everyone, that's attention seeking.

It's a lose-lose situation.

Not saying that sometimes the opinions don't matter? If I was a huge-ass bitch, I'd want someone to tell me. But I'd also want them to tell me with their name so I could work it out and not end up a paranoid mess in the corner.

But it's amazing really. When I was writing up my Paranoia meme (which is still coming by the way) the good things I thought about you all far far outweighed the bad things. I can't think of very many bad things I think about any of you at all. I read that Honesty Meme with a face like this -> :o Where I could not believe that people would *care* about half the stuff they were saying.

I'm glad I didn't put my name in now. I think I'm done with memes and spamming now for a while.

*collapses* Okay they don't make soap boxes like they used to. :p

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I'm still confused why the one bad thing outweighs the five good ones. Does it seem more genuine or something? I really don't get it.

And frankly, if a person doesn't care enough to tell me something to my face, why the hell should I care? I'm not the one who's annoyed. (This is more cut-and-dry than I feel but it covers my basic outlook.)

Because more often than not, we hear the good things all the time, and we can't do anything more about that, but if someone has a grievance, well it feels fixable, I suppose.

And you know, some of us do care what other people think of us. Sad, but true. I'd like for people to like me, to be honest.

I'm still not really following. People prefer to fix their behaviour rather than smile at the fact that someone enjoys who they are?

Um, I'm pretty sure that's not what I said. My pointw as if a person is annoyed, I'm not a mindreader and I'm not going to expend the effort to try and figure stuff out that isn't said to me directly. I prefer to open and offer dialogue, something that I feel will be more beneficial to both - something that has been beneficial in the past and really isn't all so hard as I've seen some people intone it is.

I'm kind of shocked you seem to infer I meant differently. Or that you seem to assume I'd find it sad. Or maybe you were just commenting in general - really, I have no idea. But I am taken aback. I really hope I'm wrong in my assumption.

Well yeah, if fie people said 'you're great', that would make me smile for sure. But if I fixed whatever was wrong with me that annoyed so-and-so maybe 6 people would think I was great!

And that's genuinely what I would do. Which is why I wisely did not join the honesty meme.

I think I read your comment incorrectly :( let's try again. I'm all for face-to-face discussion too, like I said in the post, but sometimes people are too shy/too cowardly to say things to my face and I do care what they think. Because just because they're shy or cowardly doesn't make the feeling less.. *there*, you know? Just because someone's open and a loudmouth doesn't mean that person has more opinions than a quiet person.

And what I was also trying to say is that some of us care what EVERYONE thinks of us. Which *I* think is rather sad.

YAY FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION.

Oh, I think I see. Thanks for explaining! I appreciate it. :)

I agree with that. Which is why I really try to make it clear that I am fairly open to talking with whomever. I realise there are quiet people but the whole meme setting feels so on-display. That's not really a one-to-one thing, it's a one-to-one with spectators. Things I say in that setting aren't as genuine as when communicating with someone in a more face-to-face setting. I guess I just don't like the idea of possible passive-aggressiveness.

Oh. I don't think it's sad, but it sounds really anxiety-inducing. Is it possible to be yourself and still have that in your mind all the time? I think it would hinder me from enjoying my life and who I am. But that's just me, I realise.

I'll try to be clearer in future replies, hah. Thanks for being understanding; I seem to come off as if I care a lot or not at all, apparently. It's kind of confusing!

No, I was replying to that comment 5 minutes before class so chances are I just didn't read it right. :\

Well the way I've always read you is that you only care for the opinions of certain people. (I think we had that discussion about feedback?) Whereas people like myself have the anxiety-inducing (you're right) trait of caring about everyone's opinions whether they be stupid plebes or Shakespeare/Einstein clones.

I think it comes down to the idea then that you know who you are? You're getting into this really good groove lately with life and what you want from it, whereas I just try to fit in wherever I go. (In RL, I mean) My self esteem is fairly low most of the time, and perhaps that's why.

I like talking to you. Everything's always straight up. :D

Well, feedback on fic's a little different than just talking to someone, I think. And in the context of fic, I believe what I said was that if someone I admire shoots me a compliment on my writing, it makes me smile a little wider than a "nice fic!"-type comment. But really, I like all comments. It's more like if I feel negative in a situation that I still hear what's said, but I may not act upon it any more than just listening. You know?

Possibly. Right now I'm sort of at a point where I'm at a good place and continuing to find new ways to enjoy my life, but I want to extend that to encouraging others to finding ways of enjoying their lives. This has been kind of really unsuccessful. Haha. It's just...I know where I was a year and a half ago and where I am now and those two states are fairly drastically different. So...yeah. Seeing this meme again (man, I've been in fandom this long? haha) makes me realise how often things repeat and how much they could actually change for something maybe more enjoyable. I don't really know what I'm saying now and I have to get back to work so I'll end my comment here.

You know, that's a comment that never seems to change, no matter how angry I was or how happy I am. Thank you. :)

what's this? a soap box?

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