wickedcherub | what's this? a soap box?

Current Mood: confused

what's this? a soap box?

My friends list seem to be dealing with the Honesty Meme today. I was very curious last night and almost threw my hat in the ring too, until I remembered my little theory of LJ.

No matter what you do, or how you go about doing it, someone on LJ will not like it.

It is impossible to please everyone, and with an honesty meme? That *one* person who took the honesty meme to mean 'let me find that little tiny petty thing that bugged me about you and tell you that' is going to represent 100s of silent people in your head.

If you tell the world everything, people want you to shut up. If you keep to yourself, people will think you're elitist. If you're talking to friends, that's a clique and if you talk to everyone, that's attention seeking.

It's a lose-lose situation.

Not saying that sometimes the opinions don't matter? If I was a huge-ass bitch, I'd want someone to tell me. But I'd also want them to tell me with their name so I could work it out and not end up a paranoid mess in the corner.

But it's amazing really. When I was writing up my Paranoia meme (which is still coming by the way) the good things I thought about you all far far outweighed the bad things. I can't think of very many bad things I think about any of you at all. I read that Honesty Meme with a face like this -> :o Where I could not believe that people would *care* about half the stuff they were saying.

I'm glad I didn't put my name in now. I think I'm done with memes and spamming now for a while.

*collapses* Okay they don't make soap boxes like they used to. :p

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Yep, I'm with you.

Also, there may be 100 nice comments, but it's that 1 negative one that I'll dwell on forever. So nope, not doing it. I'd rather live in denial.

And I was reading the things people were saying about each other? And all I could think of were things like, 'they think *she's* an attention whore? What does that make me????' etc etc

So glad I didn't do it. My ego's been taking a fair beating lately, so I don't think I could have handled it, no matter how curious I was.

Haha you're totally in the lose-lose situation - 'Talk more fandom! Talk less fandom!' ARGH.

Or people tell me, "You talk too much about fandom, post more real life stuff!" and then when I do, they only comment on the fandom stuff. It's so stupid.

Plus I've got a cabal of people out there who would probably physically kick my ass if they could (though I'm still not sure exactly why) and I'm sure they're just waiting for the opportunity to tear into me again. Because, yeah, they're still not over it. I tried to have a civil conversation with one of them in a mutual friend's journal the other day and was completely ignored. And I've also heard some other things that have been said. It's just so stupid and petty, and they're adults and should know better if they're so superior. But whatvs, I'm not bitter.

lol @ cabal. I'm sure it's not really a cabal.

People are silly. That whole thing that went down with you and them was super silly. But don't you love the people you have around you now?

I do. Much better, true friends that I don't have to pretend to be someone else to fit in with.

The honesty meme? I must've missed this one ...

beth_black's LJ.

I think she's mostly friends only, so it shouldn't be too hard to find. Multi-fandom too, so you might know a few people.

Pffft. I know I annoy people (MY PLAN IS WORKING), so I don't need a bunch of pussy Anonymous comments telling me that.

Ah, but when you put your name down, you will find that you annoy people in ways you've never even thought of! :p

Ah, well. You know what I say to that? They have the "de-Friend" option for a reason, yo! ;)

I like this post. Well, I like all of your posts but I like this one in particular. ♥

Haha aww :)

I want to go around and give everyone a hug and say, 'Well *I* like you!!'

Me too : ))). I'm just staying right away from it, other than what I said to Maxie, and that was logged in and ridiculous :D.

say.. whatever happened to your paranoia meme anyway?

It's coming!

You and Wada and your blog posts should get married. :P

I could never do that "ANON MEME!!!!11!" thing. Because I KNOW there are some people on my flist that don't like the things I do--and why would I want to get reminded of that anonymously? I'd rather be told to my face, if at all. If you have a big flist that consists of a WIDE range of different people, it's highly unlikely you'll get a bunch of comments going "lolololol ilu so much bf4e!!!" and absolutely no comments that call you out on something you'd rather not hear. And of course, that one negative comment among the fifty million nice ones is going to be the straw to break the camel's back.

Not to mention people are probably waiting for this big chance to take all their frustrations out on one of your littlest annoying quirks.

I really see no use in it. :|

You and Wada and your blog posts should get married.

*__________*

That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a while. Ahhh Wada, pls to be marrying me. You're not my favourite D-Boy just because you're the only age appropriate one. I love you even though you look like a cross between a frog and a duck in this picture:

You know the comments I hated the most? The ones that said 'I hate that you've switched fandoms'. WTF.

I don't need to be told what others think about me. I'm already paranoid enough as it is. I don't need confirmation of my fears thankuverymuch.

No matter what you do, or how you go about doing it, someone on LJ will not like it.

That could be a rule for real life too. A++++ spot-on.

Also, I think you're sweet; I always look forward to your posts, for realz. And I have been sick since the end of last week and that is why I haven't updated on love_fifteen. It's not going to happen tonight either, but I hope to feel better tomorrow.

I like to know what others think of me, really. If they think of me at all. But yesterday I really could not have handled it. It doesn't seem like many people could.

Hahaha I love that you're sort of apologising for not updating love_fifteen when errr, I haven't touched it for weeks or something. Plus you've been sick. Ohh you. ♥ It's not a job! It's fun!

Yes. Very true. :)

I'm so happy I didn't put my name in now you have no idea. :\

I'm so with you on not doing memes and stuff for awhile now. I've gotten enough attention so far and I'm tired of the bad things people are saying to one another. It ticks me off that a lot of these people believe what completely anonymous people are saying about them. I don't understand it at all...

I didn't put my name in, I was going to but then I remembered that I had better things to do than to listen to nasty comments about me from people I could honestly give a crap about. None of us like hearing bad things to begin with, but it's getting tiresome. I want a rest and I want it now.

Yeah, it sounds like everyone needs a fandom holiday :\

I'm still confused why the one bad thing outweighs the five good ones. Does it seem more genuine or something? I really don't get it.

And frankly, if a person doesn't care enough to tell me something to my face, why the hell should I care? I'm not the one who's annoyed. (This is more cut-and-dry than I feel but it covers my basic outlook.)

Because more often than not, we hear the good things all the time, and we can't do anything more about that, but if someone has a grievance, well it feels fixable, I suppose.

And you know, some of us do care what other people think of us. Sad, but true. I'd like for people to like me, to be honest.

I'm still not really following. People prefer to fix their behaviour rather than smile at the fact that someone enjoys who they are?

Um, I'm pretty sure that's not what I said. My pointw as if a person is annoyed, I'm not a mindreader and I'm not going to expend the effort to try and figure stuff out that isn't said to me directly. I prefer to open and offer dialogue, something that I feel will be more beneficial to both - something that has been beneficial in the past and really isn't all so hard as I've seen some people intone it is.

I'm kind of shocked you seem to infer I meant differently. Or that you seem to assume I'd find it sad. Or maybe you were just commenting in general - really, I have no idea. But I am taken aback. I really hope I'm wrong in my assumption.

Well yeah, if fie people said 'you're great', that would make me smile for sure. But if I fixed whatever was wrong with me that annoyed so-and-so maybe 6 people would think I was great!

And that's genuinely what I would do. Which is why I wisely did not join the honesty meme.

I think I read your comment incorrectly :( let's try again. I'm all for face-to-face discussion too, like I said in the post, but sometimes people are too shy/too cowardly to say things to my face and I do care what they think. Because just because they're shy or cowardly doesn't make the feeling less.. *there*, you know? Just because someone's open and a loudmouth doesn't mean that person has more opinions than a quiet person.

And what I was also trying to say is that some of us care what EVERYONE thinks of us. Which *I* think is rather sad.

YAY FOR GOOD COMMUNICATION.

Oh, I think I see. Thanks for explaining! I appreciate it. :)

I agree with that. Which is why I really try to make it clear that I am fairly open to talking with whomever. I realise there are quiet people but the whole meme setting feels so on-display. That's not really a one-to-one thing, it's a one-to-one with spectators. Things I say in that setting aren't as genuine as when communicating with someone in a more face-to-face setting. I guess I just don't like the idea of possible passive-aggressiveness.

Oh. I don't think it's sad, but it sounds really anxiety-inducing. Is it possible to be yourself and still have that in your mind all the time? I think it would hinder me from enjoying my life and who I am. But that's just me, I realise.

I'll try to be clearer in future replies, hah. Thanks for being understanding; I seem to come off as if I care a lot or not at all, apparently. It's kind of confusing!

No, I was replying to that comment 5 minutes before class so chances are I just didn't read it right. :\

Well the way I've always read you is that you only care for the opinions of certain people. (I think we had that discussion about feedback?) Whereas people like myself have the anxiety-inducing (you're right) trait of caring about everyone's opinions whether they be stupid plebes or Shakespeare/Einstein clones.

I think it comes down to the idea then that you know who you are? You're getting into this really good groove lately with life and what you want from it, whereas I just try to fit in wherever I go. (In RL, I mean) My self esteem is fairly low most of the time, and perhaps that's why.

I like talking to you. Everything's always straight up. :D

Well, feedback on fic's a little different than just talking to someone, I think. And in the context of fic, I believe what I said was that if someone I admire shoots me a compliment on my writing, it makes me smile a little wider than a "nice fic!"-type comment. But really, I like all comments. It's more like if I feel negative in a situation that I still hear what's said, but I may not act upon it any more than just listening. You know?

Possibly. Right now I'm sort of at a point where I'm at a good place and continuing to find new ways to enjoy my life, but I want to extend that to encouraging others to finding ways of enjoying their lives. This has been kind of really unsuccessful. Haha. It's just...I know where I was a year and a half ago and where I am now and those two states are fairly drastically different. So...yeah. Seeing this meme again (man, I've been in fandom this long? haha) makes me realise how often things repeat and how much they could actually change for something maybe more enjoyable. I don't really know what I'm saying now and I have to get back to work so I'll end my comment here.

You know, that's a comment that never seems to change, no matter how angry I was or how happy I am. Thank you. :)

Very well said. I usually avoid throwing my hat into these things, though I probably have nothing to worry about. Most people don't even know who I am at all in fandom, so the worst I'd get is probably no comments at all. :P But it saves me from the rampant paranoia and irrational lashing-out, so it all works out, in the end!

Yeah, I don't think anyone would care enough to leave me a comment at all, which would make me pretty sad too :p

But if they did, they'd probably have only good things to say. You're one of the most most genuine, interesting and original people I've met in fandom, absolutely.

The lifestyle of a fandom hermit has its perks. :DDD

...I resisted putting my name in for so long because I knew it would end badly.

Yeah. When will I learn? :\ You can't please everyone because, really, the internet is just like RL, only RL's version of anon memes is gossip that (usually) isn't said to our faces. I am posting a reply to one comment on my journal because I think someone and I really need to talk.

My only comment in the honesty meme was to compliment someone on their icon. I did honestly like the icon, though.

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